Daily Archives: May 15, 2010

I’ve never looked back.

by abbyslanehype

Sally is a twenty-three-year old SAHM to a five-month-old son. She and her husband have been married almost two years. They met in college and had a wedding the week after graduation. Sally loves blogging, white wine, cloth diaper laundry, and weekend naps with her little boy. You can read her blog at http://www.exploitsofamilitarymama.com

My son was born November 27, 2009. He was absolutely perfect in every way. I know every mom says that, but he really was. I looked at him and just knew I’d been waiting for him my whole life. I’m not sure that I felt like a “mom” yet, but I knew he was mine and always would be.

I spent the next couple weeks in the haze of new mother bliss. We knew my husband’s deployment was looming, but I pushed it to the back of my mind and drank in every last moment as a family of three.

On December 15th, my husband left for Iraq. He will be deployed for a year. I was facing a year with a baby I didn’t even know yet and no partner to help me in this journey. On December 18th, my aunt passed away from Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I lost my support system as everyone around me fell apart. She was greatly loved and will be missed more than I can even say.

Yet, Sullivan still needed me. He didn’t know his daddy was deployed. He didn’t know his momma’s favorite aunt was gone. All he knew was that he was hungry, needed to be held, and was scared in this new big world.

I grabbed that baby up and held on as tightly as I could. Sullivan became my rock. My little savior. Without him, I wouldn’t have pulled through without drowning in my own sadness. I couldn’t let myself fall apart with everyone else. Sullivan needed me. I was all he had at that moment. At 3:13AM, in the quiet of Sully’s nursery, in a glider with the hum of the noise machine and tears streaming down my face, I realized I was a mother.

I’ve never looked back.

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